Dear Eve…

Dear Eve,

Third chemo med not working. Have been tappering off and feeling the effects of it. Oncologist wants me off of it in 2 weeks. I don’t want to miss out on Christmas which will happen if I go off of it completly as my body will suffer. Follow instructions, even though I think it is working, has kept my condition ‘stable’ not better but not worse. They want to try going off of it to see what happens, oh joy just the Christmas gift I wanted. Samething happened last Dec, except this time I feel so defeated.

Good news is they are doing Genomic testing trial and research to be able to hopefully match a drug to my body.

What to do? Follow orders or stay on so I can enjoy Christmas?

Feeling Defeated

Dear Feeling Defeated,

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. It sucks, a lot. Sounds like you have been through a lot and keep picking yourself back up and moving on.

Sounds to me like memories from last December second type of chemo treatment not working is causing extra stress this year. Brings you back to the fear of hearing that the treatment wasn’t working and they are out of ideas.

Have faith though that this year, yes they think chemo isn’t working BUT they are still continuing to do the Genomic testing and trials so there is hope.

As for mental health (enjoying Christmas) and physical health (stopping chemo and body reacting badly) that is a hard choice.

You need to advocate for yourself. You know the ass kicking words that ensure doctors listen to you and know how you feel, your fears and concerns.

I am not a medical doctor nor can I give medical advice.

Options:

1. You keep taking the chemo as you are and participate in Christmas

2. You stop taking the chemo get through Christmas and hopefully your body will start to get better.

3.You seek permission from your doctors. Remember they already told you what they wanted you to do. Sometimes though when we hear hard news we can’t process or form the words that are needed at the time. So now that you have time to think about it you can always call them, call the nurses line or even go back in and state your case.

At the end of it all it is your decision. Which sucks I know. How do you make medical decisions when you are not a doctor? How do you know what is best? Is there harm in waiting? Benefit in stopping?

But the doctors don’t live your life, experience your pain or depression or PTSD you are having.

I truly wish you find moments of peace and joy through each day during this hard time. Enjoy the feel of the wind on your face, the sun rise or sunset, do meditation for peace, curl up with a good book, call a friend. Take it day by day and give yourself a pat on the back at the end of each day for being you and doing the best you can.

Remember NOT defeated, just another hill to climb.

‘So far you have survived 100% of your worst days’

Eve

*Leave a comment what do you think? What advice would you give?